The title says it all. My son is an addict. He is almost 32 years old and we’ve been dealing with his addiction issues since he was in his early 20’s. Actually the first time he went to jail (yes he’s been in jail many times) was on my wedding day. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle along with my other son, but instead he was sitting in a jail cell. I don’t recall now (going on 12 years later) why he was in jail that time. It was either driving drunk or weed possession. Or something along those lines. But that is just the beginning of this path he’s chosen.
There have been so many ups and downs (mostly downs) with his addiction. We’ve seen him be sober for long stretches of time, like 18 months, but then for some reason, and God only knows why, he turns back to his drugs and drinking. And believe me, he does it all. He does whatever he can do to get high.
As I mentioned, he’s been in jail several times. The longest stint was 5 months because he had gotten a 3rd DUI. I hated seeing him in there. We would go visit him on Saturday’s almost every weekend and I would take him books like “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer, and I made sure he had a bible and paper and pens so he could write, or draw. He’s an amazing artist, by the way. We thought for sure that was his rock bottom and that when he got out, he would never use again.
He has a daughter who is seven years old. She is beautiful. Her mom and my son have tried to work things out, lived together, but his addiction always came first. He would be sober for a little while, but then he always turned back to his addiction.
He moved out to Colorado, twice. He obtained work as a line cook at a place he really liked (he’s an amazing cook too!) but again, his addiction came first. The 2nd time he moved out there, he was really running from having to pay his fines. He hooked up with a former high school friend, who was also an addict. After seeing more bodily fluids come out of a person all at the same time, he knew he didn’t want to live like that any more.
My son called me, told me how awful it was living with an addict (seriously???) and that he needed to come back home. Of course, being a high mercy person, I got him a bus ticket and he came to live with us. He’s been living in our home for about 2 and 1/2 years now, I think? Gosh, it’s hard to remember when he moved back home.
He was sober at first, and got a great job close to home he could walk to (he obviously doesn’t have a driver’s license) as a prep cook at a great, upscale restaurant. He’s been working there ever since, and even had a 2nd job at a couple of different places. He managed to save up enough money to pay off his fines (with a little help from me and his father).
Once he paid off his fines, he was free! He no longer had a bench warrant for his arrest, he didn’t have to constantly be looking over his shoulder, and he started pursuing getting his driver’s license back.
But, once again, the addiction took over. As soon as he passed the substance test, he started using again. One of his co-workers is his supplier, so drugs like morphine and other stuff (I don’t even know what all he takes) are easy to obtain. Oh and don’t even get me started on his girlfriend. I’ve seen her get ready at 9 o’clock at night, full makeup and hair done, to go where??? Do what??? Neither of them have money left after they get paid, so all their money is going to drugs and alcohol. So, once all their money is gone, and they still need drugs, how are they getting them???
Two nights ago, I made the decision to kick him out of my home. He had been drinking and on something. I am over it. I’m so done. Done with allowing him to be high and use drugs while in my home. It was our agreement that he could stay with us as long as he was sober and until he saved up enough money to get his own place. Neither of those things are happening. So, after this last episode, I told him he had half an hour to gather some things and get out or I was calling the police. I didn’t care where he went or how he got there.
He packed up a few things and walked out the door. Obviously, he didn’t want me calling the cops. He met up with one of his co-workers and stayed at his house for a little while. But he came back in the middle of the night, and got up and went to work the next morning, which was yesterday.
Yesterday, my son was arrested on the job. A couple of weeks ago, he decided to steal alcohol and drink it on the job. So, he lost his job, too. His girlfriend bailed him out of course (with whose money, I don’t know!).
They showed up at my house about 5:30pm. I asked what they were doing here. My son said, “Changing”. So, I assumed (and you know what they say about assuming) they were getting some stuff together to go stay at her parents house, because that is what she told me they were going to do in a previous text.
After a few minutes, I realized they were not leaving any time soon. So, I told them they had an hour to gather their crap and get out of my house or I was going to call the police. They tried to pull the, “30 day eviction notice”, but that isn’t a thing in this situation. She is behind on her rent, and they violated our verbal agreement when they brought and used illegal drugs in my house.
His girlfriend threatened to “call her attorney” (because she can afford an attorney!!!) if I called the cops. I said, “Go ahead!”. Well of course they left. Took their cat and all. They still have some things in their room and I told them they have to get a hold of me to make arrangements to get the rest of their crap out of my house.
I’ve kicked my son out of my house before, but this is the final time. I’m done. Over it. Over hoping he will change. Over thinking this is his rock bottom and that he will overcome his addiction for good. All I can do is pray and leave him in God’s hands now.
Obviously, I’ve left out a lot of details. I will probably write more on this subject as I work on healing and growing from this experience. It’s not an easy thing to watch your child throw their life away to addiction. It’s a roller coaster ride, and not a fun one, when they go from being sober to living in their addiction. It’s so painful to watch your child not living up to their potential, and not using their God given gifts and talents.
My son may be facing prison now, due to this recent arrest. I have no idea what will happen to him, but I just have to pray for him and ask that God will direct his path and help him overcome his addiction.
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