I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine from church today. Our conversation took place on Facebook chat, and it sparked some interesting things in me. We were talking about dating. He is single, in his early 20′s and a Godly young man. He was talking about dating, whether he should or not, which lead me to these thoughts.
In a conversation we had a few days ago, we talked about this issue and I’ve talked about dating and waiting on God with others too, so I thought it would be good to talk about it here.
It seems that so many people, young and older, get so caught up in having to have a significant other. They spend a good majority of their teen and young adult years searching for “the one”. They are so afraid of being alone (and I don’t blame them!) that they miss the forest for the trees, so to speak.
God says in Psalm 37:4 that those who delight in the Lord, HE will GIVE them the desires of their hearts. That means that YOUR desires ARE HIS desires. What does delighting in the Lord mean? It means trusting Him, having faith that He will fulfill His promises for your life. So, when we are in His Word, talking to him and relating to Him on a continual basis, OUR desires become the desires HE has for US. Are you tracking with me? Let’s put it this way; when you are in a relationship with someone, say you are married, often your desires as a couple become the same. Your dreams for your children are usually the same as your partners as well as other desires like where to live, where to go on vacation, financial dreams and so on.
It’s the same with God. When we are in relationship with God, our desires line up with His desires for our lives. And who knows us better than God? No one!
So, how does this apply in the area of dating? When you are “delighting” in the Lord, then you TRUST Him enough to wait patiently until you and your future spouse are ready to be together. I hate to use the term wait because it seems so tedious. What I told the young man above is to think of it as growing instead of waiting.
When I was single, I wanted a relationship more than anything! I wanted to meet a man that was Godly, would love me for who I am and who would love my children for who they are. It was in my singleness, at a woman’s leadership conference that I learned what Psalm 37:4 meant. And that scripture stuck in my heart, head and soul and I learned to TRUST God in the area of relationships and in every other area in my life.
As I began to grow in my trust of God, I began to grow in other areas too. I began to see that there were areas in my life that I needed to change and work on if I was going to be the woman God created me to be. One of those areas was learning to be a good wife and a better mother. Having been sexually abused as a child, I did not understand what true love meant from a man, and there are a whole bunch of other messed up things that happen in a girls head, heart and soul when she is sexually abused. So, I needed to learn first of all what kind of man I really wanted! I had to learn what a truly Godly man looked like. I also had to learn what a truly Godly wife looked like and then work on becoming that.
I also had to learn to be content where God had me at the time. I think that is something a lot of people need to learn. I’m not saying don’t grow in God, that would contradict everything I said above. Let me explain. If you are single right now, learn to be content in your singleness. Do everything you can to learn about yourself, through God’s eyes, and grow to be the person He created you to be.
I often hear from various people that they don’t have any clue where God is taking them or what God wants from them. Take this season of singleness to find out. And be praying that your future spouse is doing the same! You cannot be complete with another person if you are not complete in God first. Learn to let go and let Him guide and direct your path.
Another thing I often hear from others is they are afraid of where God might take them. I personally don’t understand this thinking because I’m so excited to see where God is taking me! I can’t wait! LOL. But I know I must and I trust that God will take me where he wills, but it will only be when I’m ready. So, in the mean time, I’m learning what I need to change and work on in my life so that God can take me there.
Now, don’t get me wrong here either. God can use ANYONE, no matter where you are in life, no matter what disabilities you may have, no matter where you live, no matter what your skin color is, no matter WHAT. God can, will and does use anyone who is willing and open to Him. Heck, He even uses those who aren’t willing to fulfill His purpose. After all He is God. I just am trying to grow more, as much as I can, so God can use me more.
So, to sum this all up, in your season of singleness, grow in God and Trust in Him to bring you the right person when you are both ready.
Now, some of you might be asking, “where did you learn how to become a better wife and woman?” There are a lot of books I read in my singleness which are listed below. In addition to reading those, I also journaled about my feelings and my prayers. Then as I grew in God, when I went back and read what I had written previously, I could see how God moved in my life and the prayers He answered and how he answered them. It was awesome!
On to the list of books:
Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris
Choosing God’s Best by Don Raunikar
Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer
A couple of other books I didn’t read in my singleness but highly recommend are:
Captivating by Staci and John Eldredge
The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer
It is my prayer that this blog will help someone who is in their season of singleness. If you have questions or comments, don’t hesitate to leave them in the comment section. God bless you all!